Starcat’s Study: Self-Reliance

Each time someone asks Abraham a question about a relationship or job, or anything that has to do with another person’s actions or beliefs, the reply is the same: the only thing you can change is your own vibration.

On one occasion, Abraham replied to a questioner about her partner, who wanted a divorce. Their answer, which did contain helpful suggestions on how the woman could change her vibration, noted something that seemed a bit cold: that the man in question was “irrelevant.” They were trying to convey the idea that the woman holds her own concept of her ideal partner, and ultimately, whether her former husband chose to return to the relationship, or she found a new partner, didn’t matter. She was told to focus on becoming a self-reliant and positive individual, and then the right love interest would show up in her life.

On an abstract level, it is a lovely concept: souls that are doing their spiritual work and have found a way to let their lights shine will naturally come together and share that joy. Yet in a daily life setting, being mindful of compassion and love, how do we find our self-reliance and still be in healthy relationship with our loved ones?

I don’t care to think of my family members as “irrelevant.” They are important to me, and I care deeply about their well-being. Yet I’m learning recently about self-reliance, and discovering that I am the only one who can create my experience.

For example, in the realm of finances, I’m a stay-at-home Mom, and I’ve been relying on others to pay my expenses. This has been a recent source of stress, particularly when things don’t go as planned. So I decided to take charge of my own prosperity. Not only through physical action, such as finding paid work, although that is certainly a part of it. But also in the realm of changing my vibration and being more positive. I practice gratitude for that which I enjoy: a warm home, good food to eat, books, my laptop. I work toward feeling more abundant.

Yet in this process, I realize there is a certain reliance on others once again: namely, the people who employ me and my family members. Another layer to peel away. We can’t “count on” these sources. My thoughts continue to ripple outward, and once again, the answers I receive are abstract.

I rely on and have faith in the Universe to bring me that which I want and need. A good belief, but how does it manifest in actual practice? If the only thing we can rely on is our own individual vibration, how does that translate to daily action? We are out there on the edge, balancing on the vibration we’re creating in the moment. Surfing the waves of the Universe, as it were. Again, I like the concept, but my earthy self, used to a reality made up of tangible things (grocery shopping, electric bills, a furnace to fuel), balks at the perceived precariousness of such a position. As a friend of mine queried, “how do you make a budget when you’re in the process of creating unexpected funds from unknown sources?”

As you can probably tell, I haven’t found my own answers yet. I’m exploring the complex dance between self-reliance and living in a family and community setting. Part of it, I think, is being open to constant changes. If some money I’ve been expecting doesn’t show up, I’m learning to go with the flow rather than letting myself worry or panic. In the same way, I’m being open to unexpected resources. I want to be proactive and joyful in my exploring of options. Mike Dooley calls this “knocking on doors.” I have faith and will also take action.

I’m also practicing being actively grateful for everything I experience. I’m reading a tale of the Buddha’s life, and he was an incredibly thankful person. He relied on offerings of food to feed himself and over 1,000 disciples. He offered his thanks at every meal. And guess what? Buddha and his monks were always well fed.