On Thursday morning, I woke up in tears.
The night before, we’d done our big start-of-the-new-year workshop, the one we’d been preparing for and discussing with all sorts of cool folks and promoting and meditating on.
We’d had nearly 30 “yesses” for the workshop, and yet only one person actually showed up for the live call (she was amazing, and I’m so thankful she made it!). Several people told us they had trouble and couldn’t get in to the call. The service we were using wasn’t doing what it should have – and people actually were trying to get in but couldn’t get on the line.
We recorded the workshop, which went well. That night, BlackLion and I talked about how it was too bad that we had a technical glitch, but what can you do? We calmly discussed our next steps.
But early in the morning, it was my heart that woke me.
I felt so deeply disappointed, so sad that it hadn’t gone well, that the visualization I’d been doing wasn’t working. I was crushed. This was an important step in getting our work out there into the world, to help more people, to make a difference. I knew that I couldn’t just give up, but I couldn’t see a way forward, either. I couldn’t just “get back on the horse.”
You see, my business isn’t just a business. Our Feline Dreamers workshops and courses, and the books that I write, are my passions. They are an intrinsic part of my soul’s mission.
At an autumn retreat with my business coach, I refined that mission into words that captured how empassioned I feel about my work in the world:
I lead people to the wellspring of their Divine connection. I then hand them the tools to come alive to their soul’s deepest purpose and embrace their juiciest passions, with joy and creativity. I am a role model and mentor for the resurgence of the Feminine Divine.
Not that I could feel it, that morning in my bed with tears running down onto my pillow, thinking that probably hormones weren’t helping the crisis, wanting to just lie there all day and feel bad about myself.
But that wasn’t really an option either – not for long.
Healer, heal thyself, right?
I meditated, like I do each morning (even though I didn’t really want to).
I got up and took a long hot shower, while listening to a playlist of chants, heavy on melodic women’s voices and tabla drums.
I was drawn to clean and de-clutter my bedroom.
I put away the last of the holiday gifts and decorations.
I folded and put away laundry, all the while moving slowly and treating myself with tenderness.
I drank plenty of water and ate nourishing food.
A good friend had planned to come over in the afternoon. I tried to postpone, telling her I wouldn’t be very good company. She told me “you don’t have to always be happy” (she’s a wise woman). The way things worked out, she came over in the evening instead, bearing treats from the local ice cream shop. It was medicine for the soul – we vented and laughed and brainstormed ideas of fun things to do together.
Gradually, I felt better. I was ready to look ahead again.
The next morning I talked with my business coach, another wise and kind woman, and she had lots of ideas to share. “All is not lost,” she said. She pointed me back towards my epic mission and helped me connect to WHY it’s so important for me to be able to support you in the ways I’m called to.
So, even though it feels really vulnerable, I’m here sharing this story.
Even though I’m afraid (to be disappointed again), we’re going to re-offer the workshop (on a different service, one that’s much more accessible) so that when you enroll you can actually get on the call live with us, which is where the magic happens. Showing up live is one of the ways that you can put your money where your intentions are, and actually take steps to make what you want this year HAPPEN.
Here’s what I know to be true this week:
I can pick myself up and get back on the horse, on my own terms.
I can lean on my self-care practices and my tribe sisters.
When things really suck, I have the tools to help me do my work and get back to center.
I want to share that with you, with my readers and clients and tribe members.
I’m on a mission to make those tools and practices available to more and more of us, especially women.
We need it, especially now, with the political climate full of hate and the last waltz of the patriarchy in full swing. Make no mistake – the death throes of the current system are going to be loud and ugly – we need each of you to be operating in your full power, with all tools at your disposal.
We’re part of the awakening of human consciousness. We each have a part to play. We are the change. Which sounds lovely on paper – but it can be a bumpy ride sometimes – and doing the same old things but expecting different results NEVER WORKS. Let’s try it differently, TOGETHER.
If this story resonates with you, we’d love for you to join us and uplift yourself in 2017. Remember, you can know all the tools in the book, but they don’t help unless you choose to do the work. Even on those days when you’d rather just crawl back under the covers.